The Chocolate Challenge or I have way too much time on my hands

It’s been done to death, I know. But I couldn’t resist rating (I said rating) my quartet of Valentine’s Day dates.

The prices vary from almost affordable to “do you do layaway?” But the chocolates sampled are rich and strong, you won’t be buying them every day, and hey, you only live once. Despite the four different shapes each bar weighs three and a half ounces, so nerds with calculators can compare price per ounce easily. Even though my financial advisor warned against purchasing $12.50 worth of chocolates, in the name of science and my stomach I’ll play by my rules and thereby break all rules.

My rules:

No peeking at ingredients until after making blogsevations; only two bite size pieces aloud for judging; no wine or cheese, only orange segments as palate cleansers; and only one judge—me.

Product specifications and test notes:

Hachez- Cocoa D’Arriba, 77% cacao, $3.50, one dollar per ounce

Defines the oxymoron bittersweet. Well balanced flavors; liquor taste resonates. If only it were affordable to bake with. This is my third selection.

A. Korkunov- Dark Chocolate, 72% cocoa, $4, one dollar and fourteen cents per ounce

Sleek, expensive looking packaging matches its smooth and rich texture and tang. Tastes like a good cup of hot cocoa should and at four bucks a bar is cheaper than two cups of fine hot chocolate in a café or diner. Absolutely my favorite.

Ghirardelli- Espresso Escape, 60% cacao, $2.50, seventy-one cents per ounce

Gasp! Purists say coffee taints chocolate. Nonsense, chocolate was born to be combined; I couldn’t resist the bonus caffeine (what’s keeping me awake now) and enhanced flavor (like sour cream to cakes). Silky and milky, though bitter cocoa and coffee balance the bar. Finishes with a rich fruit taste. Imagine a cup of Columbian coffee, medium strength, with plenty of cream and sugar. Very pleasant, second prize.

Lindt- Excellence, 85% cocoa, $2.50, seventy-one cents per ounce

Bitter to the core with only slight sugar reprieves, and it’s a bit chalky. I taste rum as well, but maybe that’s just fermentation. Only for cacao enthusiasts or people who take their coffee strong –and black. This bar almost offended me; after judging I gulped down some more Ghirardelli to mask the Lindt’s bitter aftertaste. I’ll eat it, but it still ranks last—fourth place.

Further analysis:

I flipped the packages over to discover ingredients and nutritional information. All bars featured significant kilocalories, fat, sat fat, and surprise!: fiber. The candies shared some protein and little or no sodium. Iron ranged from 4% daily value via the Hachez Cocoa D’Arriba to a whopping 45% in the A. Korkunov. Bless those Russians.

Bourbon vanilla is responsible for the liquor I tasted in the Cocoa D’Arriba. Marginal sugar content at 9g, but that’s in half a bar. Not bad by chocolate standards, but the fat trumps the rest at a whopping 44 grams total. Ouch.

Simple. All natural. Six ingredients. The A. Korkunov bar boasts five awards won on the back; now I know why. I don’t endorse much, but go buy this if you have taste buds and even if you only have $4 to your name. Now!

Runner up and tied for bargain of the lot, Ghirardelli’s Espresso Escape rounds out its coffee and sugar with milk fat and more milk fat, yet has the lowest overall fat and sat fat content. Improbable! It’s also the only indulgence explicitly including milk (a no-no in the world of cacao snobbery), the rest only warn of trace amounts. Worth every penny and every pound.

With a scant 12.5 grams sugar in the entire bar, the Lindt Excellence makes up for it with not only chocolate, but cocoa powder. Blame the chalky texture on the powder. Save the dry stuff for cakes, sauces, and brownies, please. Ranks second in fat, but first in protein (4g). Beware—this ain’t no Hershey bar, don’t try to make s’mores with this baby, unless you like seeing children and adults cry.