02 February 2007

Razor Burned

Small Purchases mean Big Business

The fine folks at Proctor & Gamble, or simply PG, a multinational maker of everything (you’ve seen their exclusive coupon book in every Sunday newspaper), sent me one of those 15 blade rip-your-face-off razors in the mail today. No strings attached, just a trial with discounts on replacement blades—the expensive part.

At first I was puzzled. Why me? How did they get my name? I decided I don’t want to know. Potential customers beware!: a dangerous weapon may be in your mailbox. It’s called the Gillette Fusion; and after cutting yourself getting the damn thing out of its extraneous packaging, counting the tiny cutting edges makes you dizzy. I get the message, "you have no choice; buy Gillette. You don't want to get stuck with Schick, do you? Of course not."

A year after purchasing Gillette P&G’s stock is up, thanks to people like me who fork over a buck fifty or more for every razor blade, which last all of three shaves; and I use the prehistoric two blade Sensor XL model. We’re talking ’96 here. A recent stock report specifically named razors as a reason for the swelling. While the razor burn and stitches will go great with my face, next time just send me some stock, then I can buy more razors and the sun will set on my perma-5o’clock shadow. Suddenly electrolysis doesn't look so crazy.

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